When You’re Doing Everything “Right” and It Still Feels Wrong: Taking Ownership and Choosing Hope

When You’re Doing Everything “Right” and It Still Feels Wrong: Taking Ownership and Choosing Hope

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try or how much we stay on the “right” path, things still fall apart. It’s as if life has a mind of its own, and here we are, left questioning if our efforts even matter. This isn’t about just “looking on the bright side” or masking reality with a superficial smile. It’s about owning the experience in its rawness, accepting what we’re feeling, and still choosing a hope that acknowledges the hard truth while trusting in what’s yet to come.

1. Assess the Situation with Clear Eyes

When we’re in the middle of a storm, it’s easy to let emotions cloud reality, making us feel overwhelmed and powerless. Taking ownership means calling things as they are—seeing the challenges for what they are, without sugarcoating. Be honest about what’s happening, and notice how this struggle is affecting you. Clear, honest acknowledgment of the situation is the first step toward meaningful hope, because it grounds us in reality and keeps us present. And from this grounded place, we can begin to cultivate hope that isn’t blind but intentional.

2. Define Hope as a Choice, Not a Feeling

Hope isn’t always an automatic reaction; sometimes it’s a deliberate choice. When we choose hope, it’s not about ignoring the hard parts—it’s about deciding that the hard parts won’t have the final say. In moments when hope feels impossible, remind yourself that it’s not about conjuring up a feeling of positivity. Instead, it’s about quietly affirming that, even if you can’t see the whole picture, you trust there’s a purpose and growth in the process. Hope, in its truest form, is a steady resolve to keep going.

3. See Hope as Active Trust in the Process

Hope is not passive. It’s an active form of trust—a belief that the path you’re on, with all its twists and turns, is leading somewhere meaningful, even if you can’t see it yet. This kind of hope isn’t about expecting an easy way out. It’s about trusting that every experience is shaping you and that each challenge, no matter how difficult, is part of your journey. Trusting the process means allowing things to unfold in their own time while remaining rooted in the faith that there is purpose in the journey, even in its most painful chapters.

4. Embrace the Power of “Yet”

When you’re doing all you can and still not seeing results, it’s easy to feel defeated. But taking ownership and choosing hope means shifting your mindset from finality to possibility. Instead of “It’s not working,” try reframing it as “It’s not working yet.” That small shift acknowledges both the reality of the struggle and the potential for change. Embracing “yet” keeps the door open for progress and possibilities we may not yet understand. It invites us to keep moving forward with the belief that growth is still happening, even if it’s unseen.

5. Look for Glimmers of Goodness in the Process

Finding hope in dark moments doesn’t mean forcing a silver lining, but it does mean looking for moments of light, however small, as you go. Maybe it’s the resilience you didn’t know you had, the unexpected support of a friend, or a renewed sense of purpose. These glimmers remind us that even in struggle, there are moments that can carry us. The process might be messy, but these moments are evidence that beauty and growth can coexist with pain. Recognizing and appreciating these small positives builds hope one small step at a time.

6. Hold onto Hope as a Commitment to the Future

When we take ownership of our journey, we recognize that hope is a choice we make, not just for today but for the future we’re building. It’s a commitment to keep showing up, to keep investing in our growth, and to believe in the possibilities waiting on the other side of this season. Choosing hope today means we believe our journey holds value and meaning that we can’t fully see yet. Holding onto hope is an act of courage that acknowledges the struggle but looks forward with a deep trust that things will align in their own way and time.

Taking ownership of life’s challenges while choosing hope is a powerful act. It’s acknowledging what is, accepting the unknown, and trusting that there’s a purpose we may not fully understand yet. It’s not about denying the hardship but believing that even in struggle, you are moving forward. This journey, even when it feels wrong, is shaping you in ways that will one day make sense. Hope is the anchor that lets you keep moving, trusting that every step, even the hard ones, is leading somewhere worth going.

Action Steps for Taking Ownership, Trusting, and Choosing Hope

1. Acknowledge Where You Are—Without Judgment

Take Action: Take time to journal or reflect on what’s happening and how it’s affecting you. Identify areas where you feel out of control and allow yourself to sit with those feelings. Accepting your reality is the first step to finding peace with it.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and there’s got to be a way through it.” —Michael J. Fox

2. Focus on What You Can Control

Take Action: Write down things that are within your control and prioritize those. Whether it’s your attitude, your self-care, or the next small step, shifting your focus toward what you can influence empowers you.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” —Maya Angelou

3. Choose Hope as a Practice, Not a Feeling

Take Action: Each morning, take a few moments to remind yourself that hope is an active choice. Write a statement of hope or trust and keep it visible. This could be as simple as “I believe this season has a purpose” or “I am growing through what I am going through.”

“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.” —Vaclav Havel

4. Reframe with the Power of “Yet”

Take Action: Notice when you’re speaking in absolutes like “It’s never going to work.” Practice adding “yet” to the end of these statements to remind yourself that growth and change are still possible.

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” —Carl Jung

5. Look for the Moments of Goodness and Grace

Take Action: At the end of each day, write down one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. It could be a kind word, a moment of peace, or even a new insight. These glimmers remind you that good can coexist with struggle.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

6. Create a Vision for the Future and Commit to It

Take Action: Reflect on the future you’re working toward and write it down. When things feel difficult, revisit this vision to remind yourself of the bigger picture and your commitment to it.

“Hold the vision. Trust the process.” —Unknown

Remember:

“Even when life doesn’t look like I planned, I choose to take ownership of my journey, to trust the process, and to find hope in the unknown. I am building strength, creating meaning, and moving forward—one step at a time.”

Let this be the reminder that no matter what’s happening, you’re not powerless. You have the strength to navigate this season with intention, hope, and resilience. Choose to trust, choose to hope, and choose to believe that, even here, you are growing.

-Big Sis <3