In Love with the Thought of Being in Love: Romanticizing Life, People, and Success
So often, we fall in love not with the reality of a person, a job, or a goal—but with the idea of what they could be. Whether it's in friendships, romantic relationships, our career pursuits, or personal ambitions, we get swept up in the dream of what could happen. We craft stories in our heads about people’s potential, about what success will feel like, or about how perfectly everything will fall into place once we reach a certain milestone. We’re pulled into this dream state, which can lead us further from the truth of what’s really in front of us.
Falling in Love with Potential—in Life, People, and Success
This isn’t just about romantic relationships. In all aspects of life, we can find ourselves clinging to the potential we see, rather than the reality we’re living. In friendships, we may latch onto the hope of a deeper connection, imagining the closeness that could develop, even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. In careers, we might romanticize a role, thinking it will bring us purpose and fulfillment, only to find the day-to-day reality doesn’t match the dream we envisioned.
We do this with life itself. We imagine a version of success or happiness and chase after it, thinking that when we finally get there, all our hard work will pay off. We fall in love with the idea of being successful, being fulfilled, or being in the perfect job, rather than truly engaging with the present moment or embracing the reality of what we’re facing.
Romanticizing Love and the Perfect Partner
One of the clearest examples of this is when we romanticize love or the idea of finding the perfect partner. It’s easy to get caught up in fantasies of a relationship that will complete us or a partner who will meet all of our emotional needs. We imagine someone who will love us unconditionally, understand us completely, and bring joy and excitement to our lives without fail. In essence, we build up an idealized version of a partner that’s rooted more in fiction than reality.
When we meet someone new, we might project these fantasies onto them, overlooking their flaws or real personality traits. We ignore red flags or minimize their imperfections, believing that love will smooth over any difficulties. But eventually, the honeymoon phase fades, and we’re left facing the reality that no person can fulfill every expectation we’ve placed on them. The partner we imagined doesn’t exist—they never did.
By romanticizing love, we put immense pressure on the other person to be more than they are, which can lead to disappointment and frustration. No one can live up to the role of a perfect partner because the very idea of a perfect partner is unrealistic. True, deep love comes from accepting the whole person—their flaws, imperfections, and humanity—not from trying to mold them into the ideal partner we've dreamed up.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Others
In every relationship—whether personal or professional—there’s a temptation to romanticize the people in our lives. We imagine who they could be, not who they are. We build up expectations, attaching ourselves to the story we’ve created about them: the friend who could be more reliable, the boss who might finally recognize our potential, the partner who could fulfill every emotional need we have.
Instead of seeing people as they truly are, with their strengths and flaws, we become attached to these fictional versions we’ve created. This often leads to disappointment, not because they’ve failed us, but because they never agreed to be the person we imagined them to be in the first place. We set them up to fall short of the unrealistically high expectations we’ve placed on them.
The Dream State of Success and Life Goals
This romanticizing pattern also shows up in how we approach life goals and career ambitions. We might fall in love with the idea of success—imagining what it will be like to have reached a certain level in our careers, to have financial freedom, or to gain recognition in our field. We tell ourselves stories about how achieving these goals will bring happiness or fulfillment. But the reality is often messier.
The day-to-day grind of building a career or working toward a goal rarely matches the dream. We overlook the challenges and setbacks because we’re too focused on the end result. When reality falls short of the dream, we feel let down, not because the opportunity wasn’t valuable, but because it didn’t live up to the fantasy we created in our minds.
Romanticizing the Idea of People
Sometimes we fall in love with who we think someone could be rather than accepting them as they are. We imagine how much better a friendship could be if they would just change or how a colleague would be the perfect collaborator if they would recognize our value. This can cause friction, because we’re expecting others to meet standards they don’t even know exist.
This isn’t fair to them, nor to ourselves. We end up disappointed when they don’t fulfill the roles we’ve assigned them, and they may feel frustrated, sensing our dissatisfaction with their authentic selves.
The Delusion of Romanticizing Success and Fulfillment
The same pattern plays out when we chase success or fulfillment. We might idealize what it will feel like to get that promotion, land that client, or achieve a personal goal, only to discover that the reality doesn’t feel as satisfying as we’d imagined. We were more in love with the thought of achieving success than with the actual journey it takes to get there.
In the pursuit of success, we often focus on the outcome, picturing the recognition, the financial security, or the validation that comes with it. But when the reality of the hard work, setbacks, and sacrifices kicks in, we realize the road to success isn’t as dreamy as we’d imagined. And when we finally achieve it, we may find that it doesn’t bring the sense of fulfillment we thought it would. We’ve been chasing the dream of success, rather than learning to love the process.
Unrealistic Expectations in Every Area
When we set ourselves up to fall in love with the potential of a person, a career, or a life path, we create expectations that are nearly impossible to meet. This leaves us feeling perpetually unfulfilled or disappointed, because we’re always chasing a version of reality that doesn’t quite exist. The disconnect between our fantasy and the truth of our situation creates frustration and dissatisfaction.
We may find ourselves resenting a job that doesn’t live up to the dream, a friend who doesn’t meet all our emotional needs, or a life that isn’t as perfect as we envisioned. And when we look closer, it’s often not because these things are inherently lacking—it’s because our expectations were never rooted in reality.
Chasing the Feeling—Not the Reality
At the core, what we’re often chasing is a feeling. We’re not always in love with the actual person, job, or goal—we’re in love with the way they make us feel or the way we imagine they will make us feel. We’re chasing excitement, validation, and fulfillment, rather than accepting and embracing the messy, imperfect reality of what’s in front of us.
In romance, friendships, or career pursuits, we might realize that we were more attached to the idea of a connection or achievement than to the reality of what it truly offers. When the initial excitement fades, we’re left wondering if we ever truly loved the person or job—or just the feeling they gave us.
How to Ground Ourselves in Reality
So how do we break this cycle of falling in love with potential, with fantasy, or with the idea of success? How can we live more grounded in the truth of what’s real?
Be Present – Focus on the here and now. Appreciate the people in your life, the job you have, and the opportunities before you as they are, not as you wish they could be.
Release the Need for Perfection – Life isn’t perfect, and neither are people. Let go of the expectation that they will meet every need or fulfill every hope you’ve built up for them.
Find Joy in the Process – Whether it’s in relationships, career growth, or personal development, learn to love the journey, not just the destination. Real success is about showing up and engaging with the process, not just achieving the end goal.
Be Honest About Your Expectations – Check in with yourself. Are you in love with the reality of the person, the career, or the life in front of you? Or are you more attached to the idea of what it could be? Being honest with yourself will help align your desires with reality.
Navigating the Romanticization of Reality
To further explore this theme, consider these reflective questions:
Why do people romanticize their reality?
People often romanticize reality as a way to escape discomfort and create an idealized narrative. It provides temporary relief from challenges, but can lead to unrealistic expectations.How can I accept/receive the truth of reality and not personalize it?
Accepting reality requires mindfulness and perspective. By recognizing that acknowledging truth does not diminish your worth and that it’s okay to feel disappointed without personalizing it, you can cultivate a more grounded outlook.In what ways can I build confidence in the love that I would like to receive?
Building confidence starts with knowing your worth, setting healthy boundaries, and cultivating self-love. When you appreciate yourself, you set the stage for authentic relationships.
Conclusion: Loving What’s Real
Falling in love with the thought of being in love—with people, careers, or success—is something we all do. It’s natural to dream and
hope for more, but it’s essential to balance that longing with the reality of what we have. By grounding ourselves in the truth of our experiences and learning to appreciate people and opportunities for who they are—rather than who we wish they could be—we can cultivate deeper, more authentic connections and a more satisfying approach to life.
